I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
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