I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
