hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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