Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
