I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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