i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i think i have two assholes
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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