great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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