yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
