butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Just high enough for therapy.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
