all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
