he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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