just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
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