Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
