hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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