I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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