I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
