Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
