Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
