I'm jealous of your bromance
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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