I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
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My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
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I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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