What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
