omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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