I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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