...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
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