I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
