New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Quick, to the slutcave!
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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