batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
