so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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