they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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