I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
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Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
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does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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