I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
