I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Randomize
