In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
