I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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