If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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