If i come over, it means nothing
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
