u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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