i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
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Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.