The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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