The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
