Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
It's shark week go big or go home
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
