he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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