I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
