Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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