He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
