i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
