I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
