we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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