Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Randomize
