Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Randomize