I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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