Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
