I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
