i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
