I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Randomize
