Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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