Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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