He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
my being single is dangerous.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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