Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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