Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
