fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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