Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize