Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
