Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
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