I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
