every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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