He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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