Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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