hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
