One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
