please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
