the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
