Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
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Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
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What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
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