I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize