So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I have already put on my inside pants.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
