walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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