Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
