Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
